Parenting

One of the main goals of marriage is procreation. Individuals want children and Allah encourages us to have them.

'So now (during the nights of Ramadan), have relations with them (your wives) and seek that which Allah has decreed for you (offspring). Surah Baqarah 2 vs 233.

'Allah has given you spouses from yourselves and has granted you from your spouses children and grandchildren, and has provided you with good things for your sustenance'. Surah Nahl 26 vs 72.

We should not just wish and work towards having children but in addition, we should pray toAllah for righteous offspring as we have seen in the example of Zachariyyah (AS) when he said:

'O my Lord! Grant unto me form Yourself a good offspring. Indeed, You are the Hearer of supplication'. Surah Al Imran 3 vs 38.

Having children is indeed a blessing from Allah as well as a test at the same time. Parenting is a huge responsibility. As parents. especially muslim parents, we are responsible for the physical, emotional and cognitive needs of the child. we are responsible for providing for providing food, healthcare, education, social interaction, recreation, love, affection, guidance and protection for our children. 

Unfortunately today, many parents have lost the focus of how to take proper care of children in a way as to avoid all the social vices and mayhem rampant in the society today. Most attention is given primarily to the physical and formal educational need of the child with almost no attention at all being paid to the moral, emotional and spiritual aspects of the child's life.

This neglect has resulted in waywardness, gambling, alcoholism, drugs, unofficial prostitution through taking boy/girl friends, complete loss of basic moral values like respect, honesty, truthfulness, being hard working, taqwa and reliance on Allah The Most High, e.t.c.

Allah Azzawajjal commands us in Syrau Tahrim, chapter 66 vs 6

'O you who believe, protect yourselves and your family from a fire whose fuel is people (men) and stones over which are appointed angels, harsh and severe, who disobey not from executing the commands they receive from Allah but do that which they are commanded'

What then causes parents to forget about the moral and spiritual upbringing or to do just the bear minimum that will be enough to safe them and their children form hell, that be will enough to raise upright, God fearing children that will wipe out corruption, oppression and immorality from their communities and to focus mainly on the academic achievements of their children?

It is the quest for success, quest for wealth, fame and comfort in this lowly life. 

However, Allah, Our Creator, Who knows us more than we know ourselves, tells us what the REAL SUCCESS and achievement is.

'And whoever obeys Allah and His messenger will be admitted by Him to gardens (in paradise) under which rivers flow, abiding eternally therein and this is the GREAT SUCCESS'. Surah Nisa, 4 vs 17

'Allah will say, This is the Day when the truthful will benefit from their truthfulness. For them are gardens (in paradise) beneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide forever, Allah being pleased with them and they with Him. That is the GREAT ATTAINMENT/ ULTIMATE SUCCESS'. Surah Maida 5, vs 119.

'He from whom it (the punishment of Allah) is averted that Day, God has granted him mercy. And that is the CLEAR SUCCESS/ ATTAINMENT'.  Surah An'am 6 vs 16

'Allah has promised the believing men and believing women garden beneath which rivers flow, wherein they abide eternally and pleasant dwellings in gardens of perpetual residence, but approval from Allah is greater. It is that which is the GREAT ATTAINMENT'. Surah Tawbah 9 vs 72.

Some Practical tips

• Spend time with your children, engage them in meaningful discussion. Research shows that children spend a minimum of 20 hours a week in front of the television while less than 30 minutes is spent with their parents or other adults/ significant others in meaningful conversation. This should not be the case a there is not much benefit in most of the things that are shown to kids on the TV today. It is ll about games, consumerism/materialism, fictions and not much of the real world that would benefit the children both in this life and the hereafter.

Parents should endeavour to talk with their, teach them life lessons, how to converse as adults, teach them about patience in times of adversity, keeping family relations e.t.c all of which cannot be learnt effectively in the classroom.

• Be good role models. Children especially the young ones learn more from what you do rther than what you say. So, model dialogue at home with your spouse, model patience, compromise fairness, equity, reasonableness, honesty and truthfulness, firmness of mind and calm temper.

• Seek knowledge of the deen and teach it to your children and act upon the knowledge yourself for example by praying on time, reading the Qur'an in your free time, contemplating on the meaningof the Qur'an and reflecting on the signs of Allah Azzawwajjal.

• Help your children connect their knowledge of Economics, Science and other academic subjects to Allah or at least take them to schools where that will be done.

• Teach them about stories of the prophets and his companions and life lessons that will help in strengthening their eeman and help them cope life challenges.

• When things go wrong, don't hesitate to seek help first from Allah azzawajjal. Pray for your children sincerely (Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort [i.e a source of happiness due to their righteousness] to our eyes and make us a leader for the righteous. Also seek the assistance of qualified counsellors/psychotherapist or other professionals when the need arise.